So much has happened in the last couple of months, and yet I still feel like I did all those months ago when I was first approved... I'm STILL waiting for my first foster placement....
At the beginning of June I moved from my lovely, affordable flat where my daughter was born to a bigger, more suitable place ready for foster kids. This house is nicer and perfect for children (all of the kids I look after have said they prefer it), but it's A LOT more money.
Soon after I moved I was offered my third possible placement - one that I really wanted to say yes to but couldn't because of my work - and made the decision to quit childminding so I would be available at short notice for the next referral that came my way. This was such a hard thing to do because not only was I letting the families down, I was also putting myself in a situation where I had no idea when I'd be earning again and yet had higher rent and bills to pay.
A month after moving (with the house still only half unpacked!) I went away on holiday with my family for 2 weeks. I really needed the break and it was great relaxing and watching my daughter enjoy herself and learn so much. I called the foster agency the Monday after we got back, and I was informed that while I was away they'd had a referral specifically for me - siblings aged six and one - but with it being an emergency the local authority couldn't wait for me to return to place the children. It was so disappointing to hear that another placement had passed me by. Especially one where the kids were perfect ages.
That week I worked my last full week childminding - an exhausting 50 something hours! Luckily one of the families was happy for me to carry on minding their child with the knowledge that I may have to cancel at very short notice. This has been great for me as it means I'm still earning some income and also only working a couple of 10 hour days a week. I get a bit of a break and it keeps my daughter entertained too which is great!
On Wednesday 30th July I had a call while I was in the park with my daughter and a friend. The agency had had a referral and I was told to be ready in case the children needed placing. I rushed home and spent the rest of the day tidying the house and organising things so the kids could move in the next day. At 4.30pm on Thursday I got a call saying the case was still in court and I would be informed of the outcome the next day. I waited and waited for the call on Friday but it never came so I called the office first thing on Monday morning to find out what was happening. A few hours later I was told that the placing authority wanted to keep all four kids together (not split them 2 and 2 as I'd been told previously) and had found other carers.
The next day I had a call to say they'd had another referral - an adoption breakdown. I agreed to take the child but didn't hear anymore. I then got a call on the Wednesday - they'd had a referral for 2 children aged 10 and 12. I asked what was happening with the first one and was told that he couldn't be placed with younger children, so would I take this new referral. I reminded the agency that I was only approved for up to age 7 which caused a lot of flapping at the other end of the phone. I was told they would get back in touch with the local authority and call me back... as usual, no word so I called them the next day - no the children couldn't be placed with me, and what a silly age limit I had, it really should be upped to 12. Well, that's what I asked for to begin with, it was my link worker who suggested age 7 to panel, but somehow I'm made to feel its my fault...
I know it's only been two weeks since I've actually been free to take emergency placements but this whole thing is starting to get to me again. I feel like I'm waiting for the phone to ring every day, and am constantly on edge in case they want to place kids and I'm not ready. I still don't have the foster kids bedroom set up, but not knowing what ages the kids might be means I can't really do anything. I think the worst bit though is the way the agency deal with things. They never seem to know the facts about my situation or my approval (several times I've had to remind them that my daughter is 2, tell them how many bedrooms I have, state the ages I'm approved for). And when they say they'll call and then don't. I'm starting to feel like I'm only important to them when they can use me - they don't seem to realise that right now I'm putting everything on hold for them and it might be nice them to actually call when they promise they will. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should have gone with another agency. I'm going to give them a year from my approval (ie until October this year) and if things haven't happened by then I might just have to see about moving to another agency.
Saturday, 9 August 2008
Friday, 27 June 2008
Possible placement #3
The one I missed out on.
I would have taken the children but my childminding work meant I couldn't. The children were aged 3 and 1. I look after two children aged 3 and 2 and am at my limit for children aged under 5. I have thought A LOT about these children and wished I could have said yes.
The day of the referral I ended up speaking to the manager of the fostering agency and she didn't sound too pleased with me. She told me I had to choose which was more important, fostering or childminding. I was a little defensive to start with. But then I realised she was right.
I had begun childminding to earn some money whilst I was waiting to start fostering. It's just having the relationship with, and committment to, my mindees and their parents changed things slightly. It's not something you can stop suddenly without upsetting people and feeling guilty. However, fostering is what I wanted to do first, and there was a reason for that. The children I mind have good, loving families. They'll be fine if they have to move to another childminder. I want to make a real difference to children's lives, for children who can't live with their birth parents.
So today I've written letters to the parents of my minded children, giving them notice to terminate their contracts. I know it's not going to please them but it's something I have to do. And in 4 weeks time I'll be free to accept any emergency placement that the agency send my way.
I would have taken the children but my childminding work meant I couldn't. The children were aged 3 and 1. I look after two children aged 3 and 2 and am at my limit for children aged under 5. I have thought A LOT about these children and wished I could have said yes.
The day of the referral I ended up speaking to the manager of the fostering agency and she didn't sound too pleased with me. She told me I had to choose which was more important, fostering or childminding. I was a little defensive to start with. But then I realised she was right.
I had begun childminding to earn some money whilst I was waiting to start fostering. It's just having the relationship with, and committment to, my mindees and their parents changed things slightly. It's not something you can stop suddenly without upsetting people and feeling guilty. However, fostering is what I wanted to do first, and there was a reason for that. The children I mind have good, loving families. They'll be fine if they have to move to another childminder. I want to make a real difference to children's lives, for children who can't live with their birth parents.
So today I've written letters to the parents of my minded children, giving them notice to terminate their contracts. I know it's not going to please them but it's something I have to do. And in 4 weeks time I'll be free to accept any emergency placement that the agency send my way.
Sunday, 1 June 2008
Possible placement #2
I had a call from my agency last week... they'd had a referral from a local authority and were looking to place two children - siblings, one aged 3 years, the other 10 months. They wanted to check I would accept the placement. I said yes despite the fact I am in the middle of packing to move!
I then had a call back a few hours later saying the children had been placed with LA carers and I wouldn't be needed after all. I was disappointed and relieved at the same time... I think things may have been a little crazy if they had been placed with me, boxes everywhere and three kids under 4!
There was mention of another possible placement next week - older siblings aged 9 and 7 - so I'm hoping things are about to happen. It's starting to look like I really am moving house for a reason...
I then had a call back a few hours later saying the children had been placed with LA carers and I wouldn't be needed after all. I was disappointed and relieved at the same time... I think things may have been a little crazy if they had been placed with me, boxes everywhere and three kids under 4!
There was mention of another possible placement next week - older siblings aged 9 and 7 - so I'm hoping things are about to happen. It's starting to look like I really am moving house for a reason...
Monday, 19 May 2008
Placement sought: Foster Care
This is the profile of a child I enquired about today. I'm very keen to be considered. Now starts that awful waiting time where everything moves much too slowly and I just want to know whether we could be considered a match!
J is 12 years old.
Culture & Heritage: White British mother; Black British father of Jamaican heritage
Family sought: Within 120 minutes travel of the borough.
J is a lovely child who can be quiet at times and does not always openly express her feelings on occasions. She lacks confidence and due to early life experiences of parenting, has low self esteem which is improving.
J is healthy, although she is asthmatic, has a positive sense of her identity and responds to praise, encouragement, gentle but consistant boundaries. She enjoys reading,watching Tracey Beaker, working on computer, ice skating and outdoor activities.
Physical Development
J is developing well, using an inhaler mainly after games at school for ashtma. She has had eczema in the past but this has now cleared. She has a poor sleeping pattern at times and has been provided with strategies to manage this.
Emotional Development
J has developed a good relationship with her carer and interacts well on a one to one basis. She has a network of friends.
She has found it difficult to accept the plan for permanency and can be emotionally fragile, becoming easily upset.
She is currently seen by the Clinical Psychologist. Has engaged with the process and interacts well.
Education
J is a bright child who is achieving and progressing well. She is studious, motivated and enjoys attending school but is finding Math challenging.
Legal
J is cutrrently on an Interim Care Order and the plan for her is to to be placed with permanent foster carers. Final hearing will commence at the end of May.
Contact
It is envisaged that J will have direct contact with her birth mother 4 times a year, birth father 2 times a year and sister C (being placed separately) every month. J will also have annual indirect contact with her older and younger siblings and possible direct contact with paternal grandparents 4 times a year
We are looking for a dual heritage family of either one or two parents who can refect her ethnicity, race and culture. J would like to be a member of a large family with younger or older children who are active and interested in outdoor activities.
J is 12 years old.
Culture & Heritage: White British mother; Black British father of Jamaican heritage
Family sought: Within 120 minutes travel of the borough.
J is a lovely child who can be quiet at times and does not always openly express her feelings on occasions. She lacks confidence and due to early life experiences of parenting, has low self esteem which is improving.
J is healthy, although she is asthmatic, has a positive sense of her identity and responds to praise, encouragement, gentle but consistant boundaries. She enjoys reading,watching Tracey Beaker, working on computer, ice skating and outdoor activities.
Physical Development
J is developing well, using an inhaler mainly after games at school for ashtma. She has had eczema in the past but this has now cleared. She has a poor sleeping pattern at times and has been provided with strategies to manage this.
Emotional Development
J has developed a good relationship with her carer and interacts well on a one to one basis. She has a network of friends.
She has found it difficult to accept the plan for permanency and can be emotionally fragile, becoming easily upset.
She is currently seen by the Clinical Psychologist. Has engaged with the process and interacts well.
Education
J is a bright child who is achieving and progressing well. She is studious, motivated and enjoys attending school but is finding Math challenging.
Legal
J is cutrrently on an Interim Care Order and the plan for her is to to be placed with permanent foster carers. Final hearing will commence at the end of May.
Contact
It is envisaged that J will have direct contact with her birth mother 4 times a year, birth father 2 times a year and sister C (being placed separately) every month. J will also have annual indirect contact with her older and younger siblings and possible direct contact with paternal grandparents 4 times a year
We are looking for a dual heritage family of either one or two parents who can refect her ethnicity, race and culture. J would like to be a member of a large family with younger or older children who are active and interested in outdoor activities.
Thursday, 15 May 2008
My first possible placement
I had an urgent call last week. My agency had had a referral for a child that needed placing immediately. I was told it was a short term placement that would run for a couple of months. I was so excited to finally get that call!
Sadly, the child's info was sent to me and there was no way I could accept the placement. Not only do I have my own daughter to think about, but I've recently started childminding to earn an income that I wasn't getting from the (lack of) fostering work. Taking this child would have put the other children at risk, and there's no way I could do that.
I felt bad for saying no. Having read about the child, I wanted to be able to help. It also made me sad - it was the first detailed info I had seen on a child and it really brought home some of the awful experiences these children go through. I think the bit that surprised me was my desire to accept this placement - I thought I'd given up on the fostering but getting this call made me realise that it's still something I really want to do.
So much so that I went on the internet that evening and searched for houses that would be more suitable for looking after a foster child. I want to be in a position to accept the next referral I get, and having that extra bedroom would make it much easier. I've been looking for a property for over 6 months now with no luck - either they're not what I'm after or I love the house and the landlord won't accept my situation. I spotted one that evening that looked good and called to leave a message. I viewed the next day and it was PERFECT. It had only just gone on the market, is being totally refurbished, I was the first to view (I made sure of that!) and the landlord seemed happy to accept me (he's now questioning the age of potential foster children, but I'm hoping it won't be an issue). It's situations like this that I really believe that someone or something is showing me the way. Each time a house fell through I told myself it wasn't meant to be and the right one would show up... it's just kind of spooky it happened the same day I got that call. I'm not particularly religious but if I believe in God it's definitely moments like these!
Anyway, I'm currently going through the reference checks and hopefully, if all goes like I expect it to and the landlord doesn't change his mind, we'll be moving early June.
I just hope this all ties in with my first proper placement :)
Sadly, the child's info was sent to me and there was no way I could accept the placement. Not only do I have my own daughter to think about, but I've recently started childminding to earn an income that I wasn't getting from the (lack of) fostering work. Taking this child would have put the other children at risk, and there's no way I could do that.
I felt bad for saying no. Having read about the child, I wanted to be able to help. It also made me sad - it was the first detailed info I had seen on a child and it really brought home some of the awful experiences these children go through. I think the bit that surprised me was my desire to accept this placement - I thought I'd given up on the fostering but getting this call made me realise that it's still something I really want to do.
So much so that I went on the internet that evening and searched for houses that would be more suitable for looking after a foster child. I want to be in a position to accept the next referral I get, and having that extra bedroom would make it much easier. I've been looking for a property for over 6 months now with no luck - either they're not what I'm after or I love the house and the landlord won't accept my situation. I spotted one that evening that looked good and called to leave a message. I viewed the next day and it was PERFECT. It had only just gone on the market, is being totally refurbished, I was the first to view (I made sure of that!) and the landlord seemed happy to accept me (he's now questioning the age of potential foster children, but I'm hoping it won't be an issue). It's situations like this that I really believe that someone or something is showing me the way. Each time a house fell through I told myself it wasn't meant to be and the right one would show up... it's just kind of spooky it happened the same day I got that call. I'm not particularly religious but if I believe in God it's definitely moments like these!
Anyway, I'm currently going through the reference checks and hopefully, if all goes like I expect it to and the landlord doesn't change his mind, we'll be moving early June.
I just hope this all ties in with my first proper placement :)
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Children who wait
I've just had the return call about one of the girls I had enquired about. They are looking for a couple, and any children in the family must be several years older.
I wondered if this was the case.
This little girl has been featured for a long time. Initially it was with her younger sister, and later on, on her own. Her profile disappeared for a while, and has just been put back up on the site. All of this made me think the poor little thing probably has some very serious issues. The social worker confirmed this, and said a single person would not be able to cope as they would be lacking that someone else to hand over to when things got really tough.
It makes me so sad to think what this little girl must have been through in the short time she was with her birth family. My heart goes out to her and all the other children who have suffered/are suffering from abuse of any kind.
I wondered if this was the case.
This little girl has been featured for a long time. Initially it was with her younger sister, and later on, on her own. Her profile disappeared for a while, and has just been put back up on the site. All of this made me think the poor little thing probably has some very serious issues. The social worker confirmed this, and said a single person would not be able to cope as they would be lacking that someone else to hand over to when things got really tough.
It makes me so sad to think what this little girl must have been through in the short time she was with her birth family. My heart goes out to her and all the other children who have suffered/are suffering from abuse of any kind.
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Ah well, start again
Anyone who checks my blog has probably already guessed that things didn't go too well with the meeting.
My link worker was great and got here almost an hour before the children's social workers to reassure me, talk me through possible questions etc. I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and lots of other info ready to prove I could be a good match for these children. I didn't have the children's information; we found out at the start of the meeting that this should have been sent, but neither I nor my agency had received it, so I still don't know the full facts about the children.
The social workers seemed to have decided from the start that I was not what they were looking for. They were concerned that a single person with a young child would not be able to manage with these children, and would not be able to give them what they needed. The family finder kept saying that the reason they had come to see me was not based on my homestudy but on the commitment I had shown in calling for regular updates. Fat lot of good that did! My link worker did a fab job, and at one point it did seem like we had convinced the social workers otherwise. They stayed longer than expected, and even talked through the financial aspects with my link worker, but looking back now it does all seem like a big waste of time.
I was given a date at the end of the month for feedback but ended up calling two days later as I was so concerned I hadn't 'sold myself' well enough that I had written a very long email explaining in more detail how I could parent these children. That also proved to be fairly pointless; when I spoke to the family finder she said they had seen the final couple who they were very happy with, and were going to proceed with that match. She said again that I should consider one child only and that was that.
I was very disappointed, and spent the next few days thinking how I would give up on the idea of fostering altogether. The trouble is, I know it's something I want/need/have to do and I can never stick with my decision to quit! When I called my agency to give them the feedback, I also asked to amend my age range, so that I could be considered for a wider age range and hopefully increase my chances of having a child placed through the agency. I have asked for ages birth to 7, rather than 4 to 7, but I still wonder if I should have been firmer from the beginning and stuck with birth to 11. I have also asked them, again, to please consider me for respite or short term placements.
Over the weekend I was browsing an adoption/fostering site that features children's profiles and came across two little girls who both need long term foster placements. I have now contacted one social worker who asked for my Form F (homestudy), and am trying to get in touch with the second one. One child is aged 6 and the other is 11. If I had to write an example of the kind of child I would like to be matched with, I would be describing the 11 year old almost exactly. It's so hard not to get all hopeful over these children, but I need to start thinking I won't be chosen. A family member is currently being assessed to care for the 11 year old, and I have no doubt this would be the best outcome for her, so there's probably even less chance of me being considered. I just wish I could do the job I set out to do.
My link worker was great and got here almost an hour before the children's social workers to reassure me, talk me through possible questions etc. I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and lots of other info ready to prove I could be a good match for these children. I didn't have the children's information; we found out at the start of the meeting that this should have been sent, but neither I nor my agency had received it, so I still don't know the full facts about the children.
The social workers seemed to have decided from the start that I was not what they were looking for. They were concerned that a single person with a young child would not be able to manage with these children, and would not be able to give them what they needed. The family finder kept saying that the reason they had come to see me was not based on my homestudy but on the commitment I had shown in calling for regular updates. Fat lot of good that did! My link worker did a fab job, and at one point it did seem like we had convinced the social workers otherwise. They stayed longer than expected, and even talked through the financial aspects with my link worker, but looking back now it does all seem like a big waste of time.
I was given a date at the end of the month for feedback but ended up calling two days later as I was so concerned I hadn't 'sold myself' well enough that I had written a very long email explaining in more detail how I could parent these children. That also proved to be fairly pointless; when I spoke to the family finder she said they had seen the final couple who they were very happy with, and were going to proceed with that match. She said again that I should consider one child only and that was that.
I was very disappointed, and spent the next few days thinking how I would give up on the idea of fostering altogether. The trouble is, I know it's something I want/need/have to do and I can never stick with my decision to quit! When I called my agency to give them the feedback, I also asked to amend my age range, so that I could be considered for a wider age range and hopefully increase my chances of having a child placed through the agency. I have asked for ages birth to 7, rather than 4 to 7, but I still wonder if I should have been firmer from the beginning and stuck with birth to 11. I have also asked them, again, to please consider me for respite or short term placements.
Over the weekend I was browsing an adoption/fostering site that features children's profiles and came across two little girls who both need long term foster placements. I have now contacted one social worker who asked for my Form F (homestudy), and am trying to get in touch with the second one. One child is aged 6 and the other is 11. If I had to write an example of the kind of child I would like to be matched with, I would be describing the 11 year old almost exactly. It's so hard not to get all hopeful over these children, but I need to start thinking I won't be chosen. A family member is currently being assessed to care for the 11 year old, and I have no doubt this would be the best outcome for her, so there's probably even less chance of me being considered. I just wish I could do the job I set out to do.
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