This is the profile of a child I enquired about today. I'm very keen to be considered. Now starts that awful waiting time where everything moves much too slowly and I just want to know whether we could be considered a match!
J is 12 years old.
Culture & Heritage: White British mother; Black British father of Jamaican heritage
Family sought: Within 120 minutes travel of the borough.
J is a lovely child who can be quiet at times and does not always openly express her feelings on occasions. She lacks confidence and due to early life experiences of parenting, has low self esteem which is improving.
J is healthy, although she is asthmatic, has a positive sense of her identity and responds to praise, encouragement, gentle but consistant boundaries. She enjoys reading,watching Tracey Beaker, working on computer, ice skating and outdoor activities.
Physical Development
J is developing well, using an inhaler mainly after games at school for ashtma. She has had eczema in the past but this has now cleared. She has a poor sleeping pattern at times and has been provided with strategies to manage this.
Emotional Development
J has developed a good relationship with her carer and interacts well on a one to one basis. She has a network of friends.
She has found it difficult to accept the plan for permanency and can be emotionally fragile, becoming easily upset.
She is currently seen by the Clinical Psychologist. Has engaged with the process and interacts well.
Education
J is a bright child who is achieving and progressing well. She is studious, motivated and enjoys attending school but is finding Math challenging.
Legal
J is cutrrently on an Interim Care Order and the plan for her is to to be placed with permanent foster carers. Final hearing will commence at the end of May.
Contact
It is envisaged that J will have direct contact with her birth mother 4 times a year, birth father 2 times a year and sister C (being placed separately) every month. J will also have annual indirect contact with her older and younger siblings and possible direct contact with paternal grandparents 4 times a year
We are looking for a dual heritage family of either one or two parents who can refect her ethnicity, race and culture. J would like to be a member of a large family with younger or older children who are active and interested in outdoor activities.
Monday, 19 May 2008
Thursday, 15 May 2008
My first possible placement
I had an urgent call last week. My agency had had a referral for a child that needed placing immediately. I was told it was a short term placement that would run for a couple of months. I was so excited to finally get that call!
Sadly, the child's info was sent to me and there was no way I could accept the placement. Not only do I have my own daughter to think about, but I've recently started childminding to earn an income that I wasn't getting from the (lack of) fostering work. Taking this child would have put the other children at risk, and there's no way I could do that.
I felt bad for saying no. Having read about the child, I wanted to be able to help. It also made me sad - it was the first detailed info I had seen on a child and it really brought home some of the awful experiences these children go through. I think the bit that surprised me was my desire to accept this placement - I thought I'd given up on the fostering but getting this call made me realise that it's still something I really want to do.
So much so that I went on the internet that evening and searched for houses that would be more suitable for looking after a foster child. I want to be in a position to accept the next referral I get, and having that extra bedroom would make it much easier. I've been looking for a property for over 6 months now with no luck - either they're not what I'm after or I love the house and the landlord won't accept my situation. I spotted one that evening that looked good and called to leave a message. I viewed the next day and it was PERFECT. It had only just gone on the market, is being totally refurbished, I was the first to view (I made sure of that!) and the landlord seemed happy to accept me (he's now questioning the age of potential foster children, but I'm hoping it won't be an issue). It's situations like this that I really believe that someone or something is showing me the way. Each time a house fell through I told myself it wasn't meant to be and the right one would show up... it's just kind of spooky it happened the same day I got that call. I'm not particularly religious but if I believe in God it's definitely moments like these!
Anyway, I'm currently going through the reference checks and hopefully, if all goes like I expect it to and the landlord doesn't change his mind, we'll be moving early June.
I just hope this all ties in with my first proper placement :)
Sadly, the child's info was sent to me and there was no way I could accept the placement. Not only do I have my own daughter to think about, but I've recently started childminding to earn an income that I wasn't getting from the (lack of) fostering work. Taking this child would have put the other children at risk, and there's no way I could do that.
I felt bad for saying no. Having read about the child, I wanted to be able to help. It also made me sad - it was the first detailed info I had seen on a child and it really brought home some of the awful experiences these children go through. I think the bit that surprised me was my desire to accept this placement - I thought I'd given up on the fostering but getting this call made me realise that it's still something I really want to do.
So much so that I went on the internet that evening and searched for houses that would be more suitable for looking after a foster child. I want to be in a position to accept the next referral I get, and having that extra bedroom would make it much easier. I've been looking for a property for over 6 months now with no luck - either they're not what I'm after or I love the house and the landlord won't accept my situation. I spotted one that evening that looked good and called to leave a message. I viewed the next day and it was PERFECT. It had only just gone on the market, is being totally refurbished, I was the first to view (I made sure of that!) and the landlord seemed happy to accept me (he's now questioning the age of potential foster children, but I'm hoping it won't be an issue). It's situations like this that I really believe that someone or something is showing me the way. Each time a house fell through I told myself it wasn't meant to be and the right one would show up... it's just kind of spooky it happened the same day I got that call. I'm not particularly religious but if I believe in God it's definitely moments like these!
Anyway, I'm currently going through the reference checks and hopefully, if all goes like I expect it to and the landlord doesn't change his mind, we'll be moving early June.
I just hope this all ties in with my first proper placement :)
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Children who wait
I've just had the return call about one of the girls I had enquired about. They are looking for a couple, and any children in the family must be several years older.
I wondered if this was the case.
This little girl has been featured for a long time. Initially it was with her younger sister, and later on, on her own. Her profile disappeared for a while, and has just been put back up on the site. All of this made me think the poor little thing probably has some very serious issues. The social worker confirmed this, and said a single person would not be able to cope as they would be lacking that someone else to hand over to when things got really tough.
It makes me so sad to think what this little girl must have been through in the short time she was with her birth family. My heart goes out to her and all the other children who have suffered/are suffering from abuse of any kind.
I wondered if this was the case.
This little girl has been featured for a long time. Initially it was with her younger sister, and later on, on her own. Her profile disappeared for a while, and has just been put back up on the site. All of this made me think the poor little thing probably has some very serious issues. The social worker confirmed this, and said a single person would not be able to cope as they would be lacking that someone else to hand over to when things got really tough.
It makes me so sad to think what this little girl must have been through in the short time she was with her birth family. My heart goes out to her and all the other children who have suffered/are suffering from abuse of any kind.
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Ah well, start again
Anyone who checks my blog has probably already guessed that things didn't go too well with the meeting.
My link worker was great and got here almost an hour before the children's social workers to reassure me, talk me through possible questions etc. I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and lots of other info ready to prove I could be a good match for these children. I didn't have the children's information; we found out at the start of the meeting that this should have been sent, but neither I nor my agency had received it, so I still don't know the full facts about the children.
The social workers seemed to have decided from the start that I was not what they were looking for. They were concerned that a single person with a young child would not be able to manage with these children, and would not be able to give them what they needed. The family finder kept saying that the reason they had come to see me was not based on my homestudy but on the commitment I had shown in calling for regular updates. Fat lot of good that did! My link worker did a fab job, and at one point it did seem like we had convinced the social workers otherwise. They stayed longer than expected, and even talked through the financial aspects with my link worker, but looking back now it does all seem like a big waste of time.
I was given a date at the end of the month for feedback but ended up calling two days later as I was so concerned I hadn't 'sold myself' well enough that I had written a very long email explaining in more detail how I could parent these children. That also proved to be fairly pointless; when I spoke to the family finder she said they had seen the final couple who they were very happy with, and were going to proceed with that match. She said again that I should consider one child only and that was that.
I was very disappointed, and spent the next few days thinking how I would give up on the idea of fostering altogether. The trouble is, I know it's something I want/need/have to do and I can never stick with my decision to quit! When I called my agency to give them the feedback, I also asked to amend my age range, so that I could be considered for a wider age range and hopefully increase my chances of having a child placed through the agency. I have asked for ages birth to 7, rather than 4 to 7, but I still wonder if I should have been firmer from the beginning and stuck with birth to 11. I have also asked them, again, to please consider me for respite or short term placements.
Over the weekend I was browsing an adoption/fostering site that features children's profiles and came across two little girls who both need long term foster placements. I have now contacted one social worker who asked for my Form F (homestudy), and am trying to get in touch with the second one. One child is aged 6 and the other is 11. If I had to write an example of the kind of child I would like to be matched with, I would be describing the 11 year old almost exactly. It's so hard not to get all hopeful over these children, but I need to start thinking I won't be chosen. A family member is currently being assessed to care for the 11 year old, and I have no doubt this would be the best outcome for her, so there's probably even less chance of me being considered. I just wish I could do the job I set out to do.
My link worker was great and got here almost an hour before the children's social workers to reassure me, talk me through possible questions etc. I had a list of questions I wanted to ask and lots of other info ready to prove I could be a good match for these children. I didn't have the children's information; we found out at the start of the meeting that this should have been sent, but neither I nor my agency had received it, so I still don't know the full facts about the children.
The social workers seemed to have decided from the start that I was not what they were looking for. They were concerned that a single person with a young child would not be able to manage with these children, and would not be able to give them what they needed. The family finder kept saying that the reason they had come to see me was not based on my homestudy but on the commitment I had shown in calling for regular updates. Fat lot of good that did! My link worker did a fab job, and at one point it did seem like we had convinced the social workers otherwise. They stayed longer than expected, and even talked through the financial aspects with my link worker, but looking back now it does all seem like a big waste of time.
I was given a date at the end of the month for feedback but ended up calling two days later as I was so concerned I hadn't 'sold myself' well enough that I had written a very long email explaining in more detail how I could parent these children. That also proved to be fairly pointless; when I spoke to the family finder she said they had seen the final couple who they were very happy with, and were going to proceed with that match. She said again that I should consider one child only and that was that.
I was very disappointed, and spent the next few days thinking how I would give up on the idea of fostering altogether. The trouble is, I know it's something I want/need/have to do and I can never stick with my decision to quit! When I called my agency to give them the feedback, I also asked to amend my age range, so that I could be considered for a wider age range and hopefully increase my chances of having a child placed through the agency. I have asked for ages birth to 7, rather than 4 to 7, but I still wonder if I should have been firmer from the beginning and stuck with birth to 11. I have also asked them, again, to please consider me for respite or short term placements.
Over the weekend I was browsing an adoption/fostering site that features children's profiles and came across two little girls who both need long term foster placements. I have now contacted one social worker who asked for my Form F (homestudy), and am trying to get in touch with the second one. One child is aged 6 and the other is 11. If I had to write an example of the kind of child I would like to be matched with, I would be describing the 11 year old almost exactly. It's so hard not to get all hopeful over these children, but I need to start thinking I won't be chosen. A family member is currently being assessed to care for the 11 year old, and I have no doubt this would be the best outcome for her, so there's probably even less chance of me being considered. I just wish I could do the job I set out to do.
Tuesday, 26 February 2008
Monday 17th March 2008
That's the date!
My link worker, the family finder and the children's social worker will be coming to see me at 11am.
I have also asked a friend to come round to keep my daughter and the little boy I mind occupied so we are able to talk relatively undisturbed.
So a full house!
I can't believe it's happening, I'm feeling nervous already. Apparently I'm one of three families they're visiting, and the family finder told my link worker that I'm high up there because of my persistance. I really hope it pays off.
I now need to read up on Special Guardianship and Every Child Matters, and keep working on my list of questions that I want to ask on the day.
Wish me luck!!
My link worker, the family finder and the children's social worker will be coming to see me at 11am.
I have also asked a friend to come round to keep my daughter and the little boy I mind occupied so we are able to talk relatively undisturbed.
So a full house!
I can't believe it's happening, I'm feeling nervous already. Apparently I'm one of three families they're visiting, and the family finder told my link worker that I'm high up there because of my persistance. I really hope it pays off.
I now need to read up on Special Guardianship and Every Child Matters, and keep working on my list of questions that I want to ask on the day.
Wish me luck!!
Friday, 22 February 2008
Some good news at last!!
I am so happy to be posting this! :D
But first, an update...
I had taken a break from it all, as I said in my last post, and left it to my agency to find me a placement. Well, no change there - the most I had from them was the occasional email saying they were still waiting/looking for a suitable match. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with everything they've done for me so far, and my link worker is a lovely lady, I guess I'm just a little disappointed with the lack of possible placements... I really thought I wouldn't be waiting long after approval, but it seems I knew very little about the system. But still, I guess everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is that reason?
Anyway, the January edition of the magazine I get didn't feature any children needing long term foster care so I had another month of concentrating on other stuff.
Then the February edition came. I had a funny feeling about it the day before it arrived and when I opened the envelope two beautiful faces were staring up at me - a brother and sister, just the right age, needing a permanent foster placement. I tried to call the family finder several times and finally got through to her the following week (she just happened to be the same lady I have spoken to many times before about two other sibling pairs). It was a no from the start, the children are black and have only known black families, so considering me would not be possible. But, she said, if it was a dual heritage pair I was calling about, such as the children I had enquired about previously, then things might be different. I hung up the phone feeling sad and emailed my agency to say it had been a no.
Then I got to thinking about the children I had been phoning about since I began my homestudy in summer 07. The children had been (and still are) featured on a website as looking for either adoption or LTFC. From reading the two profiles, I had my heart set on one pair from the beginning, and their's is the profile I showed my link worker when I suggested LTFC as a possibility. They are the children I called about the day I was approved. They have also been featured in the magazines, but each time it has been stated they are looking for adoption only. I had been told to wait until after Christmas and then call to see what the situation was but, with my lack of enthusiasm recently, I hadn't called back, assuming as they weren't in the January edition of the magazine they must have been matched with a family.
The family finder mentioning their names had me wondering and I decided to call her back. This time things were very different! She told me that no, they hadn't found a family, and yes, they would now be looking for a LT foster family for them. I said I was still interested, to which she replied she was very glad I had called back and asked for a copy of my homestudy to pass onto the children's social worker! My agency forwarded a copy last Tuesday, 12th February...
As seems to be the case when dealing with social services, I heard nothing back. I know how slowly things can move, so I gave her a week and called back yesterday. Apparently I'm psychic as each time I call she was just talking about me / just about to call me. Anyway, this time she'd been singing my praises (her words!) to the children's social worker and wanted to arrange a date to visit me to show me their file and discuss any issues. Wow! At last!
So now I have the task of contacting my link worker for a date she can do (as often seems to be the case, she's on annual leave at the moment) and then we'll finally find out, after months of waiting, whether we might actually be a match.
I'd love to post a photo but I'm not sure if it's allowed. The children are adorable. They're described as 'very sociable and friendly children who are a delight to have around'. The family finder says their short term carer loves them to bits. They have such cheeky smiles and twinkling eyes, a little mischievous looking and definitely full of life. I can't wait for this next bit! :D
But first, an update...
I had taken a break from it all, as I said in my last post, and left it to my agency to find me a placement. Well, no change there - the most I had from them was the occasional email saying they were still waiting/looking for a suitable match. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with everything they've done for me so far, and my link worker is a lovely lady, I guess I'm just a little disappointed with the lack of possible placements... I really thought I wouldn't be waiting long after approval, but it seems I knew very little about the system. But still, I guess everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is that reason?
Anyway, the January edition of the magazine I get didn't feature any children needing long term foster care so I had another month of concentrating on other stuff.
Then the February edition came. I had a funny feeling about it the day before it arrived and when I opened the envelope two beautiful faces were staring up at me - a brother and sister, just the right age, needing a permanent foster placement. I tried to call the family finder several times and finally got through to her the following week (she just happened to be the same lady I have spoken to many times before about two other sibling pairs). It was a no from the start, the children are black and have only known black families, so considering me would not be possible. But, she said, if it was a dual heritage pair I was calling about, such as the children I had enquired about previously, then things might be different. I hung up the phone feeling sad and emailed my agency to say it had been a no.
Then I got to thinking about the children I had been phoning about since I began my homestudy in summer 07. The children had been (and still are) featured on a website as looking for either adoption or LTFC. From reading the two profiles, I had my heart set on one pair from the beginning, and their's is the profile I showed my link worker when I suggested LTFC as a possibility. They are the children I called about the day I was approved. They have also been featured in the magazines, but each time it has been stated they are looking for adoption only. I had been told to wait until after Christmas and then call to see what the situation was but, with my lack of enthusiasm recently, I hadn't called back, assuming as they weren't in the January edition of the magazine they must have been matched with a family.
The family finder mentioning their names had me wondering and I decided to call her back. This time things were very different! She told me that no, they hadn't found a family, and yes, they would now be looking for a LT foster family for them. I said I was still interested, to which she replied she was very glad I had called back and asked for a copy of my homestudy to pass onto the children's social worker! My agency forwarded a copy last Tuesday, 12th February...
As seems to be the case when dealing with social services, I heard nothing back. I know how slowly things can move, so I gave her a week and called back yesterday. Apparently I'm psychic as each time I call she was just talking about me / just about to call me. Anyway, this time she'd been singing my praises (her words!) to the children's social worker and wanted to arrange a date to visit me to show me their file and discuss any issues. Wow! At last!
So now I have the task of contacting my link worker for a date she can do (as often seems to be the case, she's on annual leave at the moment) and then we'll finally find out, after months of waiting, whether we might actually be a match.
I'd love to post a photo but I'm not sure if it's allowed. The children are adorable. They're described as 'very sociable and friendly children who are a delight to have around'. The family finder says their short term carer loves them to bits. They have such cheeky smiles and twinkling eyes, a little mischievous looking and definitely full of life. I can't wait for this next bit! :D
Monday, 26 November 2007
Taking a back seat
I had some news this morning - I won't be put forward as a possible match for the single child I had enquired about as they have decided it is important to find a black family.
I've done a lot of thinking recently and I have decided that before I am matched for a long term placement I'd like to 'test the water' with a respite or short term placement. I mentioned this to my agency; they seemed happy and said they would keep me in mind if anything comes up.
I'm also going to take a break from looking for a child/children myself until after Christmas. I'm fed up waiting for a call (that never comes) and not knowing what's going on, so I'm going to forget about it for a while! I'm going to concentrate on enjoying this time with just my daughter and if I do get a call about a foster placement, well that will be a nice surprise!
I've done a lot of thinking recently and I have decided that before I am matched for a long term placement I'd like to 'test the water' with a respite or short term placement. I mentioned this to my agency; they seemed happy and said they would keep me in mind if anything comes up.
I'm also going to take a break from looking for a child/children myself until after Christmas. I'm fed up waiting for a call (that never comes) and not knowing what's going on, so I'm going to forget about it for a while! I'm going to concentrate on enjoying this time with just my daughter and if I do get a call about a foster placement, well that will be a nice surprise!
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